24 September 2013

Bathrooms: Cesspools of transphobia?

So for many of us starting school or already have started school, there are purchases to make prior to kicking off the fatanbulous school year. Number 2 pencils, college-ruled notebooks, a package of ball-point pens (black or blue), and maybe even a spiffy new calculator that you've had an eye on for a year but didn't need it until now. Shirts, pants, socks, and/or shoes might also be in order. So to prep for the hard school year ahead, you head out for a day of productivity! Coffee at the ready, breakfast/lunch in your stomach, you hit the road. You're hoping not to take too long, but you've got to bounce around to different stores for the best deals. An hour and a half later you find yourself riding on the wave of fresh supplies, new plaid shirts, and one last stop before home. All you need are some socks, because the dryer gnomes keep fucking eating all of the ones you have (or biting a hole and not liking the taste. Bastards). You pull up, avoid being hit by an older woman not paying attention, park, and head in. You find yourself at the back of the store, when the dance starts.

You'd thought about it on the way to your last stop. The coffee was working through you. The four shots doing their job, as well as the water they were mixed with. You decide that you can handle it, you got this, and you'll wait until you get home to go to the bathroom. You're a big kid. 

But now, you're at the back of the store, having already proudly strutted pass the bathroom like you weren't about the piss your pants, and you find yourself about to piss your pants. You're trying to hide the potty dance that only ages 0-12 are allowed to do in public. You're 23. Unacceptable.

You want to look at the socks on the bottom shelf, but your body connects crouching down with going to the bathroom. So you just despairingly stare at the socks, wondering if they would be comfortable for you, and hoping you don't piss your pants. 

So you now seriously consider breaking your vow of waiting to get home, to quickly, quietly, run to the bathroom before your pants turn a darker shade. You want to look at all the socks, but they all scream "YOU HAVE TO PEE SO BAD" in your face that you can barely stand it. Anything yellow is just pure torture. 

But you feel a catch. You're transgender, and you feel the need to consider the bathroom for a whole different reason besides breaking your vow (which vikings just don't do). Sometimes you don't concern yourself with it, but other times you do. And now is one of those times.

"I don't have the same parts."
"It sounds different when I pee."
"I know other guys sit down...but will that get me in trouble this time?"
"What if someone looks at me and tries to tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom?"
"What if they aren't any stall doors? What if the locks are broken?"

Places these thoughts occur:
Department stores
Parties (does the bathroom door lock?)

These may seem minor to anyone else, but when you've got your pants down and conflicting genitalia it is a nightmare to think that someone could walk in on you. If someone is going to learn you're trans, you're going to tell them face to face. Not non-existent penis to face. So the fear stays there. I would say the bar or the club is the worst place, because alcohol is always involved and people can be unpredictable.  So can the bathrooms. Once I went to innocently urinate and upon entrance discovered that the only "stall" had no actual door, just a toilet that had walls around it. Better than nothing  I thought, and allowed my liquid courage to carry me through the fastest piss of my life. 

Another time I was at a bar in Seattle and there was actually a line for the bathroom. My ass has to wait for the one stall that didn't have a locking door. And guys weren't shutting it either; then again they were standing. I went, thinking the door wasn't even there at first, and of course sat down, and took the time that 6 guys, two at a time, did using the 2 urinals. One of the guys in line was nice enough to shut the door for me, but that did not keep other guys from opening it to see what was taking 6 years. And I'll tell you, pee shy does not go away when you know people are talking about you. So I whipped my pants up, my piss hiding somewhere inside me, and I high-tailed it out faster than you could say "Guten Tag". I ended up at nearly empty bar next door, and asked the bouncer if it was OK if I use the bathroom because "I just have to pee." He glanced at me, my ID, and said it was fine. I left a inquisitive look on his face. Quickly, I used the restroom and ran outside to catch my ride. I tipped the bouncer, who never gets tips of course, for being so cool. So the experience ended well. 

However, I am still fearful of bathrooms.

So here I am doing the pee dance while looking at socks and wondering which would be best and why did I wait and why do I have to care, hoping no one walks over and asks if I'm trying to start a flash mob.

This time, somehow, the urge goes away and I am able to select the most comfortable socks at a good price, make my purchase, and then race home (at the speed limit) to the comforts of my own restroom where I know the door locks and no one will have to shut the stall door for me.

This time, I win in a way. I kept my vow, stood my ground, and made it home. But I know that I've lost as well. I've given in to the fear that someone will "discover" me, that someone will threaten my life because of it, or pull down my pants and show people. All in a public bathroom. And knowing, somewhere in my mind, that I am completely overthinking this. I was in a place, literally, where if I did not have these fears playing at me, I would have gone to the bathroom. I was seriously about to piss my pants. 

Alas, I stayed away in fear of someone having a heyday with my insecurities. 

Everyone moves at the their own pace. There definitely are times that I waltz into bathroom without anymore fucks to give. And then, times like these. So there's no sense in berating myself, or yourself if you also find yourself deal with these fears. 

And hey, it means you were capable of holding your over-capacity bladder until making it home. So that deserves a round of applause.

For others who don't find themselves wondering "will someone yank down my trousers in the bathroom today", I wanted to share with you how much a simple thing like going to the bathroom can escalate as far as a panic attack for some others. It's an inside look at what I call 


where the gender rules are made up and the genitalia doesn't matter!

18 September 2013

Who misleads who about misleading information? YES on I-522, Label GMO foods

Alright this is something that people need to be aware of. In Washington State we have Initiative-522 on the ballot this upcoming election. If passed, we will be the first state to require the labeling of genetically modified foods. Simply put, a genetically modified food is sourced from a "GMO" or genetically modified organism. This means that the organism's genes have been bonded with another type of organism's genes to produce the pros of both organisms. So for example, combining genes from a heat resistant plant to genes of corn to hopefully grow more corn in hotter climates.

Here is a list of financial contributions for and against 522. Note that all the opponents are from out of state.

There is a lot to put here, both in my opinion and just information. I am going to do my best to keep it short, sweet, and to the point.

Currently as 522 is written, it stands with the common GMO labeling laws that more than 60 countries share. That includes the fact that foods like meat and cheese are not labeled UNLESS they are from a genetically modified organism; if the cow was only fed GM grass, then it would not be labeled.

Here is the thing about that, and this is why you HAVE to pay attention to the way that information can be framed. Here is the ad against 522 that has aired recently. You'll note several things, like the misuse of the words "misleading" and "would".

Now, let's take note here. Wording is everything when it comes to this (which is why this seems so tricky). When they say you can't "detect" the genetic engineering, it's because you can't trace the source of where the GMO came from exactly. You don't detect it like you detect how much milk is left in the fridge. The product was not GMed itself (the soy milk), but the soy bean used to make the milk was. Because it is much more common to find GMed soy beans that it is to find GMed beef. Which means that most of the beef you'll be seeing was cut from cows that were fed GMed grain, but the cows themselves were not GMed. SO GET THIS IF YOUR SALMON IS GENETICALLY MODIFIED YOU BET YOUR HAPPY FISH-EATING-ASS THAT SALMON WILL BE LABELED. 

I know what you're saying, that these are the same thing, and they should both be labeled. And I agree with that. Because technically, the soy bean is to soy milk what the grain fed to cattle is to dairy milk. The main difference is a heartbeat; whether the final product is made with a machine or a cow. So yes, I agree that it should all be labeled. But we should not try to get ahead of ourselves here. It makes sense to stay level with the world market regulations. Once we have those in place, we could potentially be a world leader in demanding stricter regulations. But baby steps here people, baby steps. 

Also note how they pit soy milk vs dairy milk in a state who just loooooooooooooooooooves their dairy cows. 

Here Dan Newhouse says "It's so badly written that pet food would be covered, but meat for human consumption would be exempt." 

Once again, we are presented with the dairy/meat argument. I won't attend to it again, just refer to above for the same reason that it is exempt. However, you'll note the use of the word "would". CLEVER CLEVER DAN NEWHOUSE. PET FOOD ISN'T EVEN FUCKING COVERED. THERE IS NO MENTION OF FOOD FOR PET CONSUMPTION COVERED IN THE INITIATIVE. Here they have used the power of the word "would". By the standards set by the initiative there IS pet food that WOULD have to be labeled, because it is sourced from plants that are GMed. BUT IT'S NOT ACTUALLY COVERED, THAT'S THE THING. They use the "would" here to imply that if t passed that pet food would have to be labeled.


And in this instance they have even been able to use the word "would" for both an item that isn't even included in the initiative, and for an item that is (even though it is exempt).

I think that was everything. Did I mention how Monsanto can go suck a cob of GMed corn?

Read the initiative yourself (short and easy read, really)

Mythbusters page from YES on I-522, used for this blog

There are several other arguments that the No campaign has made that are sufficiently yawnful, but I won't bog you down with all of that. Just remember to pay attention to how these ads are framed. They are simply twisting these words around to try and make you think this is something negative, something lacking, and something that doesn't make sense. But it does make sense to be aware of where your food comes from, to expect your food companies to not have anything to hide, and to take that first baby step towards the US labeling food as a whole.

PS Hand in hand with this point is this part of section 3 "(g) Food that has been lawfully certified to be labeled, marketed, and offered for sale as “organic” pursuant to the federal organic foods production act of 1990 and the regulations promulgated pursuant thereto by the United States department of agriculture;" This will be something to watch out for, but we can't change that in the state. We have to handle what we can now. 

17 September 2013

Subcutaneous Injections versus Intra-Muscular Injections

Well. It has been quite a length of time since my last post. I really had not realized that I haven't posted for nearly a year (2 months shy). Much has happened since then. I'm not sure where this post will lead, but I'm sure it will take us somewhere.

I have been chugging along on the Testosterone train. My dose has gone up since last November, and I now sit at a nice 140mg/week (aka 0.7ml). I do my own shots. It is not as terrifying as everyone seemed to make it. HOWEVER, I do only Sub-Q injections, which are right under the skin.

Idea! Lesson on T injections!!

Alright, my T comes in a vial. There are various sizes. My insurance will only cover a 30 days supply, so I get three 1ml vials every month (because 30days = ~ 4 weeks; 4*0.7 = 2.8ml, so the insurance just barely covers it). The concentration is 200mg/1ml, meaning that 0.5ml would be a 100mg dose. With insurance I pay $52 for a 30 days supply.

Now get this! It costs $26.99 for each 1ml vial, but it costs $109.99 for a 10ml vial!! I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO BE GOOD AT MATH TO SEE THE SAVINGS HERE PEOPLE.





So basically with insurance coverage it is actually MORE EXPENSIVE for ME to pay for a 30 days supply, instead of just buying a 10ml vial every three months ($150 for three months w/ insurance vs $109 for three months of shots w/o insurance). I found this out recently when the Walgreens I go to ran out of testosterone. 

And yeah, that did happen. DIDN'T REALIZE THIS WAS SUCH A LOW-T CITY. WHO THE FUCK ELSE NEEDS THAT MUCH T?? I wonder if I'm living in the midst of a gaggle of transmen and we just have no clue. Except one guy. I know one guy through a family friend who knows his mom and he lives apparently 5 minutes away from me. And by "know" I mean we've talked on facebook (shout out if youre reading this! Otherwise NO SHOUT OUT FOR YOU).

After you've acquired your T from BILLY MAYS, you now have to inject it into your body in order for it to take affect (unfortunately osmosis will not work in this case.) I'll assume you already have needles, syringes, alcohol wipes, and TMNT/Star Wars/ATLA bandaids, or something similar. You ready the shot (withdraw T from the vial). Now which kind of shot will you do? 


If your doctor selects Subcutaneous Injections (Sub-Q) then you'll pinch some fat on the inside of your thigh, and stick the needle at a 45 degree angle, with half the needle covered. Then INJECT AWAY AND FEEL THAT TESTOSTERONE FLOW THROUGH YOUR VEINS!!! You will do this shot typically weekly or every ten days. 
Now if your doctor selects Intra-muscular (IM) then you're going to shoving that baby all the in to the base needle and then inject. You will do this shot bi-monthly.

I'm not sure how the doses would vary depending on which shot you do. So if I did IM and not Sub-Q, I don't know if I would have the same dose or a higher/lower one. But T is burned through quicker when youre doing Sub-Q shots, thus why they are more frequent.

I'm hoping all you awesome unicorns out there enjoyed this little tutorial. Would anybody be interested in a video of a shot? Maybe I'll do that and show off my awesome thighs to which thunder thighs would be a compliment ;)


On that note yesterday (the 16th) was exactly a year and a half on T!!!

22 November 2012

Thanksgiving, Turkey meat, and Family

I hope that everyone is and had a wonderful thanksgiving! I know that I'm having a great one. Got to sleep in, be around family, enjoy delicious food, some HOMEROASTED coffee made by my brother, and am waiting for some bomb ass pie. I wanted to talk about my views on thanksgiving and its origins and what it is today, as well as touch on black friday.

Now we all know that thanksgiving comes from the "first" meal between pilgrims and native americans, celebrating the first successful harvest of corn by the pilgrims. Apparently these kinds of celebrations have be held throughout time as a type of harvest festival. I also read that the first thanksgivings would last 3 days and existed for about 50 years before relations between the two deteriorated. So I do find it unfortunate that we celebrate a thanksgiving that doesn't accurately represent how it started. However, I am glad that families and friends sit down once a year to spend time together, be joyous, enjoy delicious food, and take moments to reflect on the things they are thankful for in life! I think that while we should stay aware of our history and what (to be specific where it is due) the europeans did to the native americans, we should also note the good that comes from taking time besides christmas, easter, birthdays, and other celebrations to come together and spend time with family and friends. I think something to be thankful for is that we have this country to live in, even if it isn't perfect (which one really is?) and even if we didn't gain it in the best of ways. We can at least appreciate what we have.

As far as black friday goes, I have conflicting views that I am trying to mesh together. I do think that the timing of it is horribly placed, considering it is the day after we are thankful for what we have. I don't agree with the sales intruding on thanksgiving by starting at 8pm ON THANKSGIVING. Sorry but I think that's entirely unnecessary. Why not have it go late into Friday night/Saturday morning? It's sad that people will go to the length of harming others to gain material objects. And apparently these aren't even the best deals that happen all year, so pay attention to what you're buying and all of the fine print that comes with these massive sales. But with all that said, my girlfriend showed me a different view of black friday. She came from a not so well off family, and she told me that it was one of the only times that they could afford to buy christmas presents. That was a completely different way to look at it. It wasn't that they weren't thankful for what they had, but they were thankful for the chance to be able to get gifts for the people they love. I think this is great and I hope that more people have this in their minds as they trudge through the stores and fight throngs of people to buy things. 

And I'd also like to touch on the environmental impacts of thanksgiving. I love tradition, and would never want to see the turkey leave the table for that meal. But I think people should be aware that it takes growing vegetables, harvesting them, feeding it to turkeys, and setting aside land for the turkeys to either run around in or be cooped up and beefed up. It is one of the unfortunate parts of the holiday. Some people go for alternatives like ham and chicken, and even tofu, the formers of which also present the same situation as turkeys. It would be great to come up with a way to reduce the impact that our holiday makes on the environment (not to mention the added power it takes for cooking, gas for traveling, and water for cleaning dishes). If anyone has any thoughts on this, please comment. I will think on ways that we could do this. it honestly will probably force us to step outside the comfort zone we have created and opening up to options such as tofu, or perhaps even leaving the turkey out of the equation one year. Trust me, it is painful for me to even consider something like that because I am a sucker for tradition as well as turkey leftover sandwiches. But we must also seriously consider options that reduce our environmental impact.

I hope you've enjoyed this thanksgiving discussion. As far as what I'm thankful for, that'd be my wonderful family whom support me, my awesome grandparents that have made so much in my life possibly, my fantastic girlfriend who is ever so patient and has taught me so much, the ability to transition and my dad being able to help me with medical expenses, the support that I've been given throughout my transition, my opportunity to go to school and get a degree (even if I am super-de-duper ready to be out of school), for toilet paper, a roof over my head, clean running water, and so much more.

Happy turkey day to all, and to all a good pie and cup of coffee!


20 April 2012

Trans and Cheese

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SO DON'T ASK ME. I refuse to look at my last post date. IN OTHER NEWS, I'm trying to bring back "fuck yeah it's friday" because I need to do SOMETHING on a regular basis.

In my defense, I was vlogging. Does that count? IT DOES. IT DOES COUNT.

On this episode of FUCK YEAH IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!! I have SEVERAL very wonderful, fantabulous, fantastic things to show you!

First off
THIS WEBSITE EXISTS! Not only that but it has cheese by texture, cheese by country, cheese by name and an alphabetical list of cheeses! HOW DID I NEVER KNOW ABOUT THIS?! It was brought on by this conversation:


The other thing that is just WAY AWESOME is this:
It's a discussion of trans people and the first 2 minutes is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. A definition of a cis gendered person ON TELEVISION. And not only that, but like the article says they didn't fuck it up! IT'S AMAZING!!

Anyway, that's my two cents for the day. I wanted to share this with you all.

PS I'm 5 weeks on T at this point!!


13 February 2012

Earl says: Have a dino-rific day!

So this is something that I was writing last night. Just fucking around. Wanted to share my thoughts.

This is a paper about myself. I don’t know why. Because I feel like it? It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m awake drinking tea, fucking around on the computer and wondering if I should get a haircut soon. Cause I have to have it cut a certain way, and I’ve only had one hair lady doing that (Leah) (who is awesome btw) (yes I did just use btw, gtfo) Also btw is recognized by word. Did you notice that one? Anyway(s) I am worried that if I try to get someone else to cut it I won’t like it. So I think, in the end, I will wait another MONTH (just realized it’s only a month!) to get a haircut. Becaaaaaaaaause it can’t get that long, right? I’m interested to see what I’ll look like to be honest. Also have you ever thought about the fact that Tiger Woods’ first name IS “Tiger”? I mean, seriously, you don’t name a kid “Elephant” or “Platypus” or “The Blue-footed Booby” (which, btw, I’m pretty sure they named it that so they could said “booby” in a scientific setting and watch people try to suppress their laughter. You know you giggle at that shit.).

Anyway(s) I’m currently trying to make myself feel better about not working out this last week and I don’t know what to do. I guess, oh, I don’t know, working out might, well, work out? Yet here I am typing THIS instead. Whatever. At least I’m doing something? I was just burning a CD of AWESOME MUSIC but now it has turned to this. I don’t even know if I sleep tonight. I have to be up early anyway. Maybe I’ll get like 4 hours of sleep. I’m gonna get my name changed tomorrow and I want to be up early to do it. That way I can be first in the invisible line of people I will create to feel good about being the first in line.

OOOOOOH but NOW I’m feeling tired. Sleep mode may occur tonight.

I guess I could keep talking about myself. Today I did SIX pushups. Like ACTUAL PUSHUPS. So that’s better than nothing. But still. I need to get back into it. Why does this happen? I think that once a few days go by it gets easier to put it off cause it’s like “Well, I didn’t do it yesterday. So another day won’t hurt” but that’s bullshit sooooo I’m gonna get over that. Tomorrow. I told you it was 3 in the morning right? I’m considering dropping my karate class because everyone in there thinks I’m a “girl” and when I start T I don’t really know if I want to explain to the whole class. I guess I don’t have to…but there are only about 11 people in that class. But I don’t want to be a sissy about it. But whatever I’m comfortable with right? That’s what matters?

I want to mention that I have a drawing of a dinosaur on the back of my door that is named Earl and he is telling me/whoever sees it to have a dino-rific day.

I also look up at the stars every night. The glow in the dark stars on my ceiling that is. See also: awesome. It’s pretty fucking sweet. I want to put them all over my room, even the floor. It looks so sick. See also: enchanting. Have you ever actually seen butter fly? I sure as hell haven’t. Who the fuck decided to name it a butterfly? But I guess if we’re going to get into that we need to bring up “Platypus” and “The Blue-footed Booby” again.

ANYWAY(S) on a COMPLETELY different note, Washington State has officially legalized gay marriage! I feel as if this happened out of nowhere. It was kind of like “Oh heyz thurrz a bill n the govnment about gays getting’ hitched and it’s comin’ along JUST FUCKING FINE.” See also: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

See also:

03 February 2012



Things have been going AWESOME recently. Getting closer to TESTOSTERONE. Taking fucking KARATE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS. Eating HEALTHY stuff instead of SHIT like McDonald's. I really feel like I've been getting my life orgafuckingnized recently and I think that will help when I get back in to school. I've got an intake at Evergreen on Monday and I'm SO EXCITED! It's just a meeting to go over what the school is about and if that fits in with what you wanna do.

ON THIS SESSION OF FUCK YEAH IT'S FRIDAY I'm going to post TWO, that's right TWO MOTHERFUCKING VIDEOS! The first is this AWESOME IDEA this guy had on youtube. He made his own video about why he felt he wasn't "trans enough" and then made a collab video where he asked other transguys to send him videos explaining why they felt they weren't trans enough. I sent in my own little bit, and I was so excited to see the finished result! It was great to see what other guys had to say, and it made me feel a lot better about some of things I felt. Then I made my own trans enough video because I've been meaning to for a while.

I think it's VERY IMPORTANT for people to understand that the word "transgender" is an UMBRELLA TERM. Which means it can cover a vast array of ways to identify as transgender. Which means there's NO ONE TRUE WAY TO TRANSITION!!!!!!!!!!! HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IS THAT?!?! Anyway, I hope you had a FANFUCKINGTASTIC FRIDAY and I hope your weekend will be EVEN MOTHERFUCKING BETTER.

Enjoy the videos :)