Hello to all you fellow human beings who enjoy reading my blog because I write so fabulously. HERE IS ANOTHER POST JUST FOR YOU!
I just want to throw something out there: I find myself FUCKING. HILARIOUS. I mean seriously, have you ever listened to the shit I say? Priceless. If you should ever learn one lesson from me (nearly impossible, I know) then learn this: You know how they say dance like no one is watching and sing like no one is listening blah blah insert another inspirational message here? Well laugh at your own jokes because if you think they're funny, then they are funny as fuck. I can't tell you how many times I've laughed my ass off at shit I've said, billboards I've seen or things other people have done and NO ONE ELSE THINKS IT'S FUNNY. Which sucks for them, because I find it fucking hilarious. So laugh like no one else is laughing cause that shit is funny.
I want to share a personal achievement with you all: I GOT AN 84/100 ON MY FUCKING MATH EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of you may be thinking "pffff I get 100 everytime" and you know what? YOU CAN SUCK IT. (but congrats for apparently being a fucking genius) Normally math is my hardest subject and I hate it. But. I've really been trying in this class and it's awesome to see it finally pay off. So an 84 to me is fucking badass and makes me feel like I'm doing something right. So if you are having troubles remember these words: DEDICATION. DETERMINATION. DREAM. You have to dedicate time to what you want to do. You have to be determined to see it through. You have to dream big if you want to be the real you.
God I just love rhyming things.
But sursly, those things will help you. Be real with yourself and your mistakes, and then figure out how to correct them. Sitting there and saying to yourself "ohmygoooood why can't I do this right uuuuuugh cry cry cry MY LIFE IS JUST SO HARD" regardless of how hard your life is, everyone has the ability to move past that. You gotta let the difficulties and fucking challenges in your life (hahahaha "fucking challenges" hahahaha) build you up, not tear you down. It's hard to do at times (trust me, I know) but somehow, some way you gotta do it. Even just turning "Man this sucks and I feel like an idiot HOW WILL I EVER DO THIS" into "FUCK YEAH I AM A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT" for just a couple minutes is a break from the continuity of hating on yourself.
You hating on yourself makes me a sad panda :(
Also just realized that I said it's impossible to learn lessons from me, so I want to say that if you're ever going to learn TWO lessons from me, let those be it.
So on to a new topic because I can be inspirational for only so long.
I'm sure that we all have things that we are not proud of from the past. I never used to believe in regret, but I finally realized that I was only lying to myself. Why? Because I don't want to admit that I have regret, that's why. Regretting shit sucks ass because it hangs over you like a fucking rain cloud on steroids. And what's even worse is when not only does it suck for you, but for another person as well. And what's even worse than that is regretting shit that isn't even your own fucking fault. A good friend recently told me (as many other people have) that you can't hang out in the past cause there ain't shit you can do about it. Dwelling on it only makes you hurt more and I think it just burns a bigger hole inside. So how in the fucking world are you supposed to move past that shit? Because sometimes it is a mix of regret and anger. Because sometimes people get angry at you for shit you couldn't control, and you didn't even realize how out of control you were until every fucking tiny god damn thing blew up in your fucking face. Because sometimes you get so fucking angry at those people and the world that you want to throw everything you own against the wall and cause as much destruction as possible. FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
So what's a guy to do?
Options:
1) Sit and be angry about it
2) Forget about it
3) Ignore the fact that it hurts you and pretend everything is cool
4) Learn how to forgive yourself and let it go
5) Yell at people for the rest of your life because of how angry you are
6) Try to learn from your mistake and be a better you
Review:
1) Your chair is gonna catch on fire, so don't sit and be angry about it
2) You're gonna make your brain explode from trying to forget about something that is locked so solidly in your brain
3) That's called bottling it up and it'll make your whole body explode in a disgusting fit of rage that no one wants to fucking deal with
4) One of the most difficult things to do, but worth it. Letting go is not the same as forgetting about. Letting go means you're not letting it control your life anymore.
5) No one will want to be friends with you, love you or even be around you which will make you even more pissed of cause you won't get why the fuck that's happening so don't yell at people for the rest of your life because(and I don't think I can emphasize this enough) you deserve to be loved
6) Hand in hand with option four. I think that part of being able to forgive yourself is being able to say "You know what? I fucked up, whether or not I was aware of it. And there's not a god damn thing I can do about it that shit except to figure out why I did and then what I can learn from it"
I want to throw out there that if you ever have shit you are dealing with and think you have no one to turn to, you have me. Even if it isn't talking about what it is right at first, I will do my damnedest to cheer you up because even that can do wonders. Email me (aestorvick@gmail.com), text/call me if you got my number, facebook me, whatever works. No one should have to go through shit alone.
And now, I will leave you with this:
GOODFUCKINGAFTERNOON
PS. Wear purple this Thursday (TOMORROW) to speak out against bullying of queer youth
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